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Isabelle ADJANI :
We always must speak honestly with our children and explain
to them what is happening. I always try to do that. The
child has an unconscious that structures itself through the
presence of parents and its language. The first two years of
its life are very important because it's then that language
builds itself. The little girl in the
film* is 7 years old, but she
becomes the mediator between her two parents. Unfortunately
that happens frequently to children.
Everyone should read Francoise Dolto before the birth of a
baby, one will learn from it more about how to communicate
with ones child, even before birth. She has revolutionized
the world of comprehension of the child. She is truly the
greatest practical expert of childhood that I know. She has
saved the children from what threatens them when the parents
do not know. In general, when you love your child, you find
the right thing to do, but if you have doubts, if you feel
you don't find it, then you have problems to solve, and it
must be done.
When a couple has separated, one must always maintain the
relations of the child with the two parents. For me, it's
very important to respect the relation that the other parent
has with the child. It's essential for its proper
development. The child does not necessarily need the
physical presence of the two parents, the motherhood and
fatherhood, it's not the same thing. But it does need to
remain connected to one and the other, to the father and to
the mother.
If you can avoid separations, it's wonderful! But if you can
not always be there, what is important is to maintain the
link and, if you can, to stay close to your child, to hold
it against you (this is often understood by parents to block
the child from becoming autonomous, which is an error), ah
well, one should not be afraid of that, on the contrary.
Our children, in any case to age 4, need to be reassured by
physical contact with the mother, and there should also be
in place for the child what is represented by the father:
the law, if he is able to take that place in all safety.
It bothers me very much that it is so simple these days for
a parent, be it father or mother, to consider and decide to
separate, without really trying first to form a family for
and around the child. I look around me and near me, and I am
troubled that there are so many who have families cut in
two, where the role of the continuing and discontinued
parent has become the new way to love - like a fashion - and
raise the child.
*
La chambre tranquille("The
quiet room") tells the story of Marie, age 7, who is
present at the endless disputes and fights of her parents
who are at the point of rupture. To her, words become
hurting weapons, so she will escape into silence and from
the back of her blue room will powerlessly observe the
adults destroying themselves.
(Photos 1 & 2 : Isabelle and Gabriel-Kane, ©Paris Match)
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